Two Sorts of Living

I recently finished reading the fiction novel, The Penny, by Joyce Meyer and Deborah Bedford. I have to say it was a good novel. It's about a young girl who faces the struggle of an abusive father. God uses a penny to show her that He is watching out for her and that He has a plan for her life.
In chapter 21, the main character Jenny, is coming to some realizations. God used several people in the story to show her things, one of those people being Miss. Shaw.

In this passage Jenny says...

"I understood that there were two sorts of living: one where you run away from things that hurt too much to look at, and one where you looked at those hurtful things and kept right on going forward anyway. God's willing to show you your heart if you want to see it. God's willing to take hold of what's there and fix you up when you're ready. Every trek starts with putting one foot in front of the other, just one stride at a time."

There are a lot of us who are prone to running instead of facing our issues. When hurt we push it aside and pretend everything is fine. We walk away from things and bury hurt deep down inside instead of sticking up for ourselves. We blame ourselves, thinking we deserve what comes our way. We make excuses for the things we do. We hold on to our past and we live our life in fear. Sometimes we just blame others.

When faced with something hard we need to look deep into ourselves and ask God, "What are you trying to show me here?" I think a lot of times we are afraid to do that because we don't want to see where we are wrong. No one likes to be wrong, and it is much easier to point the finger at others and what they have done. The fact is... yes, the other person may have hurt you... but God allowed it to happen for a reason. Ask Him! He uses many things to grow us into the person He wants us to be.

The hardest thing I have been dealing with... for what seems like forever... is me.
I have always had a low self-esteem. I feel like I fail in so many ways. I am selfish and needy. I am not a fighter... I seek the approval of others. I spend much of my life feeling like I am walking on egg shells... waiting for something to happen. I base my moods on those around me. I over think on what I am going to say or do in almost every situation. Sometimes I wonder if I even know who I am.

Then there are times of complete clarity... times of peace that only comes from the Lord. God has used many ways of speaking to me... His word... a song... a book... and people around me. He is so patient with me... doing what ever it takes to hold my hand and remind me that He loves me... and that He does have a plan for my life.
He is healing me... of those old wounds that I am slowly facing. He used that passage from this book to remind me that He is right there beside me taking those steps with me.

We can try to run away from our past, from pain, from hard things...but those things are always one step behind us. Let God show your heart... face those things that hurt and keep right on going. The past has a lot to do with where you are... let God use it to change you and shape you into the person He has called you to be. Let Him fix it.