Two Sorts of Living

I recently finished reading the fiction novel, The Penny, by Joyce Meyer and Deborah Bedford. I have to say it was a good novel. It's about a young girl who faces the struggle of an abusive father. God uses a penny to show her that He is watching out for her and that He has a plan for her life.
In chapter 21, the main character Jenny, is coming to some realizations. God used several people in the story to show her things, one of those people being Miss. Shaw.

In this passage Jenny says...

"I understood that there were two sorts of living: one where you run away from things that hurt too much to look at, and one where you looked at those hurtful things and kept right on going forward anyway. God's willing to show you your heart if you want to see it. God's willing to take hold of what's there and fix you up when you're ready. Every trek starts with putting one foot in front of the other, just one stride at a time."

There are a lot of us who are prone to running instead of facing our issues. When hurt we push it aside and pretend everything is fine. We walk away from things and bury hurt deep down inside instead of sticking up for ourselves. We blame ourselves, thinking we deserve what comes our way. We make excuses for the things we do. We hold on to our past and we live our life in fear. Sometimes we just blame others.

When faced with something hard we need to look deep into ourselves and ask God, "What are you trying to show me here?" I think a lot of times we are afraid to do that because we don't want to see where we are wrong. No one likes to be wrong, and it is much easier to point the finger at others and what they have done. The fact is... yes, the other person may have hurt you... but God allowed it to happen for a reason. Ask Him! He uses many things to grow us into the person He wants us to be.

The hardest thing I have been dealing with... for what seems like forever... is me.
I have always had a low self-esteem. I feel like I fail in so many ways. I am selfish and needy. I am not a fighter... I seek the approval of others. I spend much of my life feeling like I am walking on egg shells... waiting for something to happen. I base my moods on those around me. I over think on what I am going to say or do in almost every situation. Sometimes I wonder if I even know who I am.

Then there are times of complete clarity... times of peace that only comes from the Lord. God has used many ways of speaking to me... His word... a song... a book... and people around me. He is so patient with me... doing what ever it takes to hold my hand and remind me that He loves me... and that He does have a plan for my life.
He is healing me... of those old wounds that I am slowly facing. He used that passage from this book to remind me that He is right there beside me taking those steps with me.

We can try to run away from our past, from pain, from hard things...but those things are always one step behind us. Let God show your heart... face those things that hurt and keep right on going. The past has a lot to do with where you are... let God use it to change you and shape you into the person He has called you to be. Let Him fix it.

Sufferings

All of us go through things... things that hurt. I don't know anyone who likes to go through suffering. You hear people make the joke that it(challenges/suffering/pain) comes in 'three's'. I mean, it's almost never just one thing that happens to us. I can almost picture Satan just continuing to kick us when we have already been knocked down.
How many of us have compared our own sufferings to the life of Job. Although, very few of us have lost everything... Job lost his children/family, he lost all of his herds of sheep and his shepherds and then he lost all his camels... (his riches.)Then he had health issues.(But, Satan was limited by God, he was told he couldn't take Job's life.)
Then on top of all of this, he was blamed for it... his friends said that it all happened to him because he must have sinned. Job even thought about what his friends were telling him. What he couldn't understand was why he was suffering so much when he was sure he had done nothing to deserve such pain. Even his wife wanted him to curse God.
He did question God... as we all have when we are in the midst of pain. Job even cursed the day he was born. I have personally wanted to through my hands up in the air... feeling like it would be better off if I was never born... or... I give up, I would rather die than deal with all this.
Often we do suffer consequences for bad decisions and actions. Job's willingness to repent and confess for his sins is a good guideline for us. Sometimes suffering shapes us for special service to others. Sometimes suffering is an attack by Satan on our lives. And sometimes we just never know why we suffer. At those times are we willing to trust God in spite of unanswered questions.

Dear brothers and sisters, when (not if) troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when (not if) your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete. needing nothing.
God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptations. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:2-4,12

Trails give us strength... when we respond to them with the right attitude.
Job was a man of faith, he showed his faith in his actions... he may have questioned God, but he never cursed and blamed God.
Job was also a man of patience and endurance.

For examples of patience in suffering, dear brothers and sisters, look at the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. For instance, you know about Job, a man of great endurance. You can see how the Lord was kind to him at the end, for the Lord is full of tenderness and mercy. James 5:10-11

We know the end of Job's story... he was given everything back. God blessed and returned all that Job had lost, because Job was faithful.

We have to rely on God in our times of suffering. We have to know that He sees the 'big' picture. He has a plan for what He is allowing us to go through. He will use it to glorify His name in the end.

Thinking too much?

I plan just about everything... I have to know what I'm doing at all times.
This includes much of what I say. When faced with a situation... I am very quick to think... and over think... everything I should and shouldn't say. I am so afraid that I am going to say something wrong and I will hurt someone, or that I'll hurt myself, after all who wants to make themselves look bad?! I will say though, I can't even tell you how many times this has back fired on me... and I end up doing what I hoped I wouldn't... saying something wrong.
I would love to be able to speak my mind... to say what's on my heart. I don't know why that has to be so hard for me. Fear... that sums it up pretty well.

God used my devotion time, again, to get me thinking.

But when they deliver you up, do not be anxious about how or what you are to speak; for what you are to say will be given you in that very hour and moment, for it is not you who are speaking, but the Spirit of you Father speaking through you. Matthew 10:19-20

"Do you realize how much peace can be ours if we will just stop trying to figure out in advance everything we need to day and do in every situation we face in life? If you are like me, you wear yourself out trying to prepare yourself for every situation you are likely to run into in the future. You try to plan and rehearse every word you are going to speak in every interview and conversation. Jesus is telling us here that we don't have to do that. He is telling us to trust all that to the Holy Spirit who will guide us and direct us.
When we do have to make hard decisions or solve complicated problems or confront difficult people, the Holy Spirit will decide the proper time and the best approach. He will give us the right words to say. Until then, we don't need to bother ourselves with it. If we listen to what the Lord is telling us here in this passage, not only will we have more peace, but we will also enjoy more success. Because when we do have to speak, what comes out of our mouth will be spiritual wisdom from God and not something that we have come up with out of our own carnal mind."
-Joyce Meyer, from New Day New You

Reading this was like looking in a mirror. I realized that I am putting so much pressure on myself for nothing! The fact is... I don't have to have things figured out. Wearing myself out about what I should or shouldn't say shows that I'm not relying on the Holy Spirit's guidance. Wow! that's big. This, once again shows my lack of trust. Ouch, I feel that in my heart! God is amazing in the way that He lovingly and patiently molds us to what He has called us to be.

"God helps those who help themselves...." / Seeds Of Turmoil

"God helps those who help themselves." Sounds good right? Is it right? Is is biblical?
I think part of the reason we say that is because we want to teach against laziness... or a lack of initiative.
The phrase is not a verse from the Bible... It was made popular by Ben Franklin... who probably got impatient with Christian who would say things like, "I'm just trusting the Lord" or "It's all up to God." or "I'm just waiting on the Lord." The saying came from Poor Richard's Almanac.
This saying has caused people to take matters into their own hands... showing a lack of trust in God. When people do that... things don't always end well.
The fact is... we don't realize the consequences that follow every decision we make. What might seem like a small choice can set the road for generations to come...

I recently finished the book Seeds of Turmoil, written by Bryant Wright.
This book takes us into the roots of the crisis in the Middle East.
Bryant Wright takes us to the very beginning to what started the whole mess...

Sarah, Abraham's wife... decided to take matters into her own hands, (she wanted to give God a hand)... she basically lacked faith that God would follow through with the promise He made to them, that He would make them into a great nation.
She gave Hagar her maid to Abraham... and from that Ishmael was born. God did keep His promise and Sarah at the age of 90... had Isaac.
From Ishmael we have the Arabs... and from Isaac we have Israel.

This was a good book that goes into detail about who, what , where... and why things are the way they are in the Middle East. I recommend it!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Patience

Running the Race...
Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
-Hebrews 12:1-2

Patience With a Smile
Be patient in little things. Learn to bear the everyday trials and annoyances of life quietly and calmly, and then, when unforseen trouble or calamity comes, your strength will not forsake you.
There is much difference between genuine patience and sullen endurance, as between the smile of love, and the malicious gnashing of the teeth.
-William Swan Plumer

Oh, Well...

Today God used something to cause me to do a little soul searching.
My daily devotional today was in my Joyce Meyer book, New Day New You.
So here is what Joyce had to say...

Oh, Well
Whenever I find myself in a situation I can't do anything about, I have found that a good way to cast my care upon the Lord is simply say, "Oh, well."
Take, for example, the morning that Dave spilled his OJ in the car and got a little of it on my sweater. Immediately he said, "Devil, I'm not impressed." And I said, "Oh, well." So that problem was solved, and we pressed forward with the rest of our day.
Some things just aren't worth getting upset about, yet many people do. Unfortunately a large majority of Christians are upset, fretful, and full of anxiety most
of the time. It is not the big things that get to them; it is the little things that don't fit into their plans. Instead of casting their care and just saying, "Oh, well," they are always trying to do something about something they can't do anything about. On more than one occasion that simple phrase "Oh, well" has really helped me make it through.


I can get easily irritated... over the small things. I hate running late, I hate feeling like I'm being ignored, I hate feeling rushed... and so on. The devil sure knows how to push my buttons most mornings at my house. If you have a child, and you have to get them to school, and yourself off to work, then you probably know what I'm talking about. There have been countless times I have been on my way to work... thinking about everything I may have done/said wrong... countless times I have had to apologize to my child. This is something God has been digging into me about... and I have made some strides.
It is almost easier when things are too big for us to try to handle... things we have to let go and give to God. It is a relief to be able to say, "Here God, this one is all Yours!... it's too much for me to deal with."
It tends to be those smaller things that we try to take on and deal with, that we can drive ourselves crazy over. We so often think that we 'should' be able to handle this thing... or that thing. Why?!?
When we let those little things get to us... we sin. We tend to get angry and short tempered... or we get anxious and worry... (all sin!) Cease from anger and forsake wrath; fret not yourself-- it tends only to evildoing. Psalm 37:8

God tell us to cast all our cares on Him... no matter the size. There are no "I should be able to handle this." He can handle it.

My new focus and prayer for myself... to say "Oh, well" more. I don't need to sweat the small... or the big stuff.

"Messy, but in a cleansing sort of way..."

"Messy, but in a cleansing sort of way..." This was a phrase I read the other day as I was finishing the book So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. This phrase hit me like a bullet... and really got me thinking.
How often does God have to allow things to be completely "messed" up to get our attention?
We have to get to the point that we are totally helpless and frustrated... emotionally...physically... and even spiritually whipped out... then we call out to God... "How could this happen?"... "Why Lord?"... and finally "HELP Lord.. I can't do this on my on!"
The story of God's on people, the Israelites, come to my mind... Look at how many times it took God to get their attention.
When they were able to finally get out of Egypt... Did you know that they were only 11 days from the Promise land? Then because of they're stubbornness and complaining... it took them 40 years! Huge difference!
Then once in the Promise land, God told them to keep His laws, but time and time again, generation after generation, the Israelites would slip into living like the people of the land. They worshipped Idols... and married into this sinful nation. Then God would allow one of their enemies to come in and take them captive. The Israelites would eventually cry out to God for help. God would raise up a judge to step in and lead the Israelites. After the judge died, God's people would fall again into sin... God would allow an enemy to step in again and take them captive... His people would cry out again... He would send a judge... This was a vicious cycle that happened way too many times. I read this and I think.. "Come on... learn from your past people!" (Read Judges)
All this first started because they disobeyed God and didn't complete the task of taking the land of Canaan. Each tribe cherished a fierce independence that led to everyone doing whatever seemed right in his own eyes.

Do we do that?
Yes! We are a very independent people... It is so easy to get caught up in our lives... do what we think is right... justify our actions... do things our way to fit our needs/wants. We don't want to admit it, but we put God up on a shelf. We make other things our idols and God states that He is a jealous God,(Exodus 20:5.) God has to get our attention! So, sometimes He allows things to get 'messed' up to get our attention. Then we realize our need/want for Our Heavenly Father, we take Him off the shelf, and cry to Him to help us!

The amazing thing is... God shows mercy... and compassion... and forgiveness to us. He shows it to us time after time after time... just like He did to the Israelites.
We don't deserve it... and... that is true love!

God showed me in Beth Moore's phrase... "Messy, but in a cleaning sort of way..."
That He will 'mess' things up to put them back in the 'proper' order... His order.
These are the times I feel Him the most... the times when it HAS to be up to Him... because I can't clean up the mess without Him. It is a comfort to know that I don't have to do it on my own.

Angel Song by Sheila Walsh & Kathryn Cushman

I just finished reading a fabulous fiction novel by Sheila Walsh and Kathryn Cushman entitled Angel Song. This is an inspiring and well written book that pulled at my heart strings. I truly couldn't put it down... I smiled... and I even shed a tear or two.

Book Description...
When Annie Fletcher returns to Charleston to see her younger sister, Sarah, receive her master’s degree, she finds herself riding in the back of an ambulance, watching helplessly as Sarah fights for life. During the ride, Sarah appears to talk to someone who is not there, humming a melody Annie has never heard before.
Neighbor Ethan McKinney lends a shoulder when Sarah unexpectedly dies. And as a carpenter, Ethan volunteers to help Annie get the Fletcher family home into shape for selling. Ethan’s presence is distracting, but what troubles Annie is her neighbor Tammy’s 12-year-old son. Keith has Down Syndrome and the guile to believe he can see and hear angels.
God begins to reveal Himself to Annie – both in her newfound friends and through heart-rending and clearly supernatural events. Annie discovers faith in God, finally experiencing the comfort that His angels really do surround us.



I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com <http://booksneeze.com/> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Insecurity = Fear

Did you know that our insecurities are based on fear? Fear of... rejection, of being alone, of being unimportant, of betrayal, fear of being replaced, of disrespect, of being hurt, fear of pain of any sort. Our insecurities/fears will isolate us... give us ulcers, hurt relationships, and keep us from opportunities.
This kind of fear is such a waste of time... but I can't think of one person that doesn't go through it.

In Beth Moore's book So Long, Insecurity you've been a bad friend to us. She makes a great point on truly trusting God. On page 323 she states...

I used to think that the essence of trusting God was trusting that He wouldn't allow my fears to become realities. Without realizing it, I mostly trusted God to do what I told Him. If He didn't, I was thrown for a total loop. Over more time than should have been necessary, a couple realizations finally dawned on me about this thing I was calling trust: 1) It wasn't the real thing. 2) It constantly failed to treat the core issue. Trusting God to never let fears come to fruition doesn't get to the bottom of where insecurity lurks. It's too conditional. It suggest that if any of our terrors come to pass, God is not trustworthy after all. If, like me, you tend to think that the essence of trust is counting on God to obey you, go ahead and wave bye-bye from a country mile to any semblance of lasting stability. If we can't count on God, for crying out loud, who can we count on? In the words of Isaiah 33:6, "He is your constant source of stability."

She goes on to say...

When we set certain conditions for trust, we offer the enemy of our souls the perfect playground for toying with our minds. No he can't read our thoughts, but he can certainly study our behaviors. He figures out what we are most afraid of, and then he taunts us unmercifully.

In order to have that true stability from God, we have to drop the conditions off our trust and determine that God will take care of us! He will take care of us no matter what!

If we want to become secure, it starts with changing our mind-set. We have to take claim of our thoughts, know the promises that God has for us, and most of all... we have to truly trust Him.

Hillsong - A Beautiful Exchange - Love Like Fire

Hillsong - This is Our God - With Subtitles/Lyrics

Francesca Battistelli - Beautiful, Beautiful (Video)

God's Plans

I have been struggling with that big question mark floating over my head for months now... that restlessness in my spirit that God has something stirring and that my life is about to change. It is nerve recking. I know it involves me leaving my current job. The big question is, when? and to do what?
My biggest fear is getting ahead of God... or lagging behind Him... I don't want to make the wrong choice!
I find myself praying for discernment... and that He will only put one door in front of me... not several. I want to feel the peace of knowing exactly 'what' I'm doing.

'Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house;
I will worship at your Temple with deepest awe.
Lead me in the right path, O Lord,
or my enemies will conquer me.
Make your way plain for me to follow.'

Psalm 5:7-8

My goal is to remain in the Lord's 'house'... dwell in Him.. and know that he is in control. He will make His way plain for me to follow.

The Invisible Woman

Change

I don't handle change that well... neither does most people I know. I also don't care for surprises... I am a planner... I like to know what I'm doing and when I need to do it. Life isn't like that though. There have been countless times that life has thrown me a curve ball... and I know it will happen again.
I am reading this really great book by Beth Moore called So Long Insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us. There is a section in there that talks about change and how these changes can cause insecurities in people. I am going to quote what she says... because it is so good...

"The truth is, God uses change to change us. He doesn't use it to destroy us or to distract us but to coax us to the next level of character, experience, compassion, and destiny. I hate to display such a firm grasp on the obvious, but how will we ever change if everything around us stays the same? Or what will ever cause us to move on to the next place He has for us if something doesn't happen to change the way we feel about where we are? God is thoroughly committed to finishing the masterpiece He started (Phil. 1:6), and that process means one major thing: change." Page 80

She goes on to quote this scripture...
Don't be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession. James 1:16-18, NLT

Change is good for us. We all have gone through change... bad or good. Lose of a job, birth of a child, a move, health issues, a promotion... and so on. Change shows us that we need to depend on God. Change is what He uses to grow us into the people He has called us to be. Change builds character and teaches us to persevere. Change is hard and it calls us to have to ask for help and trust in others.

I look back on my life and many things have led me to where I am today... but I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I fought those changes. There comes a point that I have to let go and let God handle it... and if it calls for me to lose, then I know in the end I will win, and if it calls for me to give... then I know God will take care of me.

God knows what He is doing... He is shaping my life... and I am His prized possession!

Lack of Control

I think we all want some sort of control over our own life.... and for some that means a degree of control in our homes and in our work place. Half the time I feel like I lack control in anything... with my son... I can try to 'make' him do things... or act a certain way... but the fact is... he has his own mind. He wants independence and he is going to push his limits with me. I have to admit that there are times when I 'give up'... I just don't want a battle, (not wise.)
This reaction is true in other areas of my life as well. When it comes to discussing things with my husband... there are times where I 'let it go'. In some ways... I really trust that he knows best. Then there are times where, again, I just don't want a battle, (not wise.)
When it comes to any place that I have worked... I can be a bit of an over achiever. I work hard. I push myself until I am on the verge of a burn out, (not wise.) I have always felt like the work place was a place that I had to prove myself. I have always had a hard time saying no. In most jobs I have worked myself up to high positions to have that control. The thing is... I am not just trying to prove myself to others... I am trying to prove myself to me... "I can do it!", "I am valuable"... Even in this place in my life... I have little control. There is always something to knock be back on my bottom.

The fact is, I can push and fight all I want for control and there may be times where I feel I have it, but I don't. I know in my heart that God is the one in control. I am actually very thankful for that... He knows better then I.

Dreams and Wants

I have to admit I don't feel like I have a lot of 'dreams.' I have plenty of 'wants' although I try not to think about those because I don't want to be selfish.
Growing up I had the dream of being a singer. I knew that whoever I married would also be a musician. I did marry someone who plays strings and loves music as much as I do. Am I a singer... um... in my car. The only other dream I had was to marry a man who loved God and who would love me.... I got that.
I want to dream again.... I just don't know how... or what to dream for... I guess I am waiting on God to give me those dreams.

My wants and desires are there in my face... some of those, most of those, make me feel selfish.
I want to be a great wife... I want to be everything my husband wants and needs.
I want to be a great mother to my son. I good mixture of mother/friend.
I want a nice home.
I want to be healthy (which means... dropping some weight.)
I want to be out of debt... and not have to stress over money.
These things don't seem selfish....

Then there are things that I want, that I try not to talk about... material things (selfish, I know)... new car, new furniture.... etc. I even still have the desire for another baby... (comes and goes.. crazy, I know.) These wants and desires have caused issues between my husband and I... There have been times that I have caused him to feel like I'm not happy... and that he isn't providing enough. That isn't my intent at all. My husband works his butt off, in a burnt out job, that he really doesn't like. He is an amazing father. I love watching him with our son. He has what a lot of men don't when it comes to interacting with children. Some people say he is the kind of man that should have a house full of kids. He is also a wonderful husband. He puts up with me. He doesn't care if the house is perfect... or if I have dinner on the table. All he wants is time... he loves not being on a schedule... and just being able to be together as a family.

I know we are all selfish in our own ways... we all have to 'grow up' in different areas of our life.
I don't want to be viewed by anyone, especially by those I love, as selfish. I have tried not to have any 'wants' at all. I am happy with my life. I am blessed in so many ways. God has always taken care of us. I wouldn't trade anything in my life.

Francesca Battistelli - Behind the Scenes (SONG)